In memory of my dearest teacher and mentor, Marc Gravelle, who passed away this weekend March 27/28 2013 while being in the open Ocean. With his work he showed many people a new way in life giving them the reason to love, live and enjoy every little detail that comes one’s way, even when it’s painful to agree with… We love you Marc.
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I know for some people “death” is quite a touchy subject, but I had to share some thoughts with you here. One of my favorite teachers and mentors passed away over the weekend and it happened so unexpectedly that hundreds of people who knew him personally for so many years were taken aback by these kind of news. Some people thought it was an April fool’s joke. I was one of them. By now you might be asking why am I sharing this with you? Because I would like to talk to you about your life values and it’s standards because the matter of death is not the matter of IF but the matter of WHEN. I would like to make your life directions conscious process to you now and make you aware of where you are now, so you could create changes in it now, before you’ve gone through your life and wished there was more you would have done with it. I know for some people it’s the most unpleasant thing to do – being aware of now, because most of the people never like where they are, there is always a better place to be, there is always a grass that is greener, a symphony that is more harmonious and the family that is happier, but still most of the people willingly settle for what they have because they are sure that this is what they were meant to have in life or they just simply don’t know how to change anything in it.
I always say that a change takes a second to create, you just have to be willing to accept it. But how do I know when I’m ready to accept it? Well, let’s see, if you have recently found yourself asking questions like: “why am I here?”, “what holds me back?”, “why don’t I progress when I know I can and deserve better?”, “where do I start?” – chances are you are ready for the next step in life. You just got your first sign of conscious awareness that something is wrong, and you are not living up to your full potential.
Where do I go from there?
Here’s 5 simple steps to begin to make the wanted changes now.
1. First, don’t be afraid of looking into “now”. Allow yourself to realize that the place where you are now is not WHO you are, it’s simply where you got, considering the events in the past. Allow yourself to realize that your past is also not WHO you are, it’s also just a result of multiple actions taken in the past, so it is simply an indicator of WHERE you are now as well. Most of those actions were unconscious anyways, because our behavior and how we go through life is not a conscious process – it’s a learned behavior. The behavior that we have is formed.
It’s formed by our society, politics, TV & media, religious views, peers & friends and mostly, parents & family which we were born in. Think back to your childhood, ask yourself a question? Be honest with yourself, what do you remember from it? Who were you parents? What did they teach you to do in life? What your upbringings, friends, newspapers, life conditions, peers and family relationships teach you to do in life? How did it form your personality? How are you acting now considering that knowledge you got? How did you learn what you should do when you are in relationship? When you have a friend who didn’t act upon your expectations? Who set the bar for those expectations? What caused most misunderstanding in your life? Would you say your personal views on it? Who showed you those views? Friends? Media? Religion? Family? Or, may be, things you called “failures” in the past? Looking back at childhood, could you describe yourself as a rebelling teen, but now still finding yourself acting like your mom or dad at some point of your life? Chances are you’ve got the real answer to one or all of the questions above.
It is important to remember, the behavior of a person and the person self is not the same thing. They are separate. Because the behavior and how we act in life is simply learned in the past and became unconscious to us. We get upset about not getting something in life and believe that we’ll never do it again, instead of taking it as a feedback and try and see that experience as another way “to not do something this way anymore” , taking that into consideration and finding another way that works.
So, step number one: Become aware of where you are today. Describe how you got there. Be honest with yourself. Write down what you like and what you are proud of and write down what you would like to change. It might be anything: career, relationships, personal goals (degree or sports or any self-improvement) or spiritual relationship with self.
2. Step number 2. Now that you found an area you want to create a powerful change, close your eyes and allow yourself to imagine yourself having had that change made in your life. Get to that state with your eyes closed. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel? Describe literally each point for yourself with your eyes closed. Now that you have that change what did it give you? Do you feel excited about it? Do you have a clear visual? Or ,may be, you get the sense of a harmony within now? What is it? Describe it all to yourself. Write it all down, you will have your entire body shifted from this kind of thinking and process, guaranteed!
Why do all that? It’s because your mind doesn’t know the difference between the fantasy and the reality. When you imagine cutting a nice fresh juicy yellow lemon with oily smooth texture and fresh citrus smell hitting you right in the nose, and then bite into it, what did you just do to yourself? Right you’ve imagined something and your body physically reacted to it. So, this is how your thoughts become a command for your reality to respond to you much like a robot to a command. Each and every day you go through life thinking things, obsessing about stuff that isn’t important to you at all, wasting your precious life time on negativity, and creating that same negativity in your own real life. And then your unconscious mind gets used to it and makes it into a program that goes out of your hands and you later call it a “destiny”.
The good news we can change our reality by simply “imagining a lemon”. Let’s take a nice deep breath, concentrate on the long exhale, allow yourself to really relax and release all tension of the day. And give yourself a permission to go to another happy state of an accomplished goal.
So, Step 2: do that exercise before you go to bed and in the morning. Imagine yourself having that outcome that you desire. In a very short time, you will see how your entire energy about your desired goal will change into positive, and this positive goal of yours will become an obsessive desire of your unconscious mind so much so your mind will search for every way possible to get you there much like a salivation from imaginable lemon. It will become your knew comfort zone, because it now knows where to go specifically.
3. Step number 3. When you program your mind to want the change so badly, you gotta let yourself into trusting it (your mind trying to create the change). Trusting that new belief and NOT create limits for it. What I mean by that is imagine a flee that is locked in a glass can with a cover. If you let that flee jump there for 8 hours and then open the cover, it will never jump above it now, even though flees can jump 2 feet high. So, when you live by one scenario for too long what you do is create those limits in your mind that eventually become a comfort zone. And so you jump within this comfort zone and bounce of the walls much like that flee. Sad part is that this is an unconscious process and if for some people’s comfort zone is a loving relationship with mutual trust and respect than for others it could be abusive husband or wife who is now also a comfort zone because anything else is “the unknown” and therefore is scary to even try go look for anything else. The reason it doesn’t want anything else is because it simply doesn’t know any better, never seen any better, never been taught any better in childhood or teen years. Well, what if the change you want became a “known” to you? What if you knew that in 2 years you ARE going to get married to someone equally loving as you who has the same interests as you and who is just as kind and open? What if you knew for sure that in 2 years you ARE going to get that career and financial goal accomplished, you ARE going to beat your opponent in sports. What if you knew all that 100%? Would you enjoy achieving that goal? The sense of progress and energy towards the positive and all of that motivation that comes from it?
See the thing is things by itself don’t make you happy. It’s the sense of achieving it, the progress, the process that makes you feel so good, the dream that you have envisioned clearly in your mind and seeing yourself making steps and consciously be aware of that progress, that’s what gives you this great feeling of accomplishment, not things. If you just want a million bucks and I just give it to you now, you’ll be happy exactly for 3 hours. After that you’ll forget that you have it and will probably waste it on something you don’t even need to impress someone you don’t even care about. But if you knew that getting to some certain financial level will spiritually fulfill you within by planning out what exactly you going to do with that money, like a “nice house for my family”, or a “vacation with my loved ones” or anything spiritually fulfilling you within, you would never lose a motivation to move forward and the process of getting that money will become a sense of progress and personal achievement in life.
So, step number 3 is trust your gut. Let it lead you to where you need to go and don’t be afraid to take action which leads us into:
4. Step number 4. Now, imagine you created this significant change in your mind and the entire universe starts shifting around to create the events to get you there. Starts lining up the right people, events and all the right resources for you to get to where you need to go. Your mind is like a kid, so excited about the change much like a 5 year old child about new toy. So, when you don’t take any action, what you’re literally doing is taking that toy away from your own child, saying: “sorry honey, I didn’t mean to give it to you forever”, so what you just did is gave something to a kid, teased him and then didn’t keep your promise and took it away. What does kid do at this situation? Kid gets mad, it’s ego hurt and it starts blaming everyone on earth for not having what he wants. So, don’t be surprised that the changes won’t take place unless you start creating an action around them, for them to happen. The energy alone won’t get you the house that you want, the right broker and a nice career shift will – those are resources that you must use in action. So, write down the things that you can do today and act upon in order to get you closer to your dream. And remember, if something doesn’t work out the way you expect the first time, preserve the learnings, thank your “kid” for making you wiser and give him another way to go. With each feedback, each learning you are one step closer to your goal. My teacher used to say “If you don’t fail enough, there’s something you are doing wrong”, so happy “failing”, meaning happy learning.
5. Step number 5. Celebrate each and every step you make, tap yourself on a shoulder and say “you did it”. I want you to thank yourself for making each and every little effort you make in life now that gets you closer to where you want to get. I want you to see how your life is changing, hear the compliment that people give you now and even the rumors of those who are jealous because if you weren’t succeeding no one would talk behind your back at all, so this is great sign, take that energy and store it into your positive energy bank. These people create a path way for you by talking about you. Remember the more energy is put into the further you get where you need to be. And the collective energy is even stronger. In quantum physics there is a formula that shows that the energy hat comes from the emotion of love is 1 point and the energy that comes from the emotion of hate is 15 points, meaning it’s 15 times stronger than any positive emotion on alive. The problem is only when YOU give 15 points from your own bank, you practically give your own energy away, you get exhausted too fast, so let someone else do that if they chose to “hate” rather than like you and support you in this matter. Imagine you are simply collecting that energy and it only drives you forward faster. Direct it in a right way. And don’t argue with the nature. It’s simple as that. We are all energy, but you can chose where you want this energy to be put in and how it’s going to work best for you in its biggest potential. That doesn’t mean you must go around and make people mad on purpose. That is not a good idea because your actions come back to you in no time. So, take control over your actions, and use excessive energy that is out of your control wisely, and create positive change out of it because it’s simply an energy. All you can do is always make your best out of it. And any life situation period.
So, step number five. Celebrate each feedback as a success, because in anything you do you succeed, whether it’s good or bad, you are a success as of today. You’ve succeeded when you failed because you didn’t take another action when you could, you chose not to, so you succeeded at that. You’ve succeeded when you took away that toy from your Ego child and said “sorry, you don’t deserve it” and never explained to him why. You’ve succeeded when you said “I’m lazy, so I will never be a good student” and labeled yourself for life. All of that is a success. So, now all you have to do is thank yourself for succeeding in who you are today, and create a new direction only made of things that you like doing, love having and enjoying achieving.
Celebrate every baby step your subconscious mind child is doing and teach him things that you want him to automatically want in life. Form his behavior and give him hand each and every time he cries for help. Have compassion for this kid within and talk to him daily, give him reward for being good, and thank him for trying if he makes a mistake, then show the other way around.
“Life is too short to have low standards. You are your own artists. Now, imagine you could wipe the limits off…” –Ania K.
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